RANTS- Trash Day: An open letter to my neighbors

Dear neighbor,

Hi! It's me, the guy that yells at his kids too much. You’re probably wondering why I am writing this, but I wanted to inform you that unless there was a federal Holiday, our trash service is the same day it has been since we all moved onto this block.

So why was it that you needed to load up your curb with garbage anytime before the night prior to pick-up? Granted, the whole neighborhood is excited to learn that you must have come into some money and are making some upgrades to your home based on the mountain of shit (discarded carpet rolls, sofa, bedroom furniture, and big screen tv) you so proudly displayed at the curb 4 days in advance, but could you be a little more modest?

Also, maybe next time you use the paper bags for your construction and yard debris you should wait to put them out, especially since it has been rainy and windy all week. Better yet why not just bring it right over to my curb so that it can go out with my trash! We all know that’s where it will inevitably end up after I pick it up to add to my cans (which again, go out the night before)…thanks…dicks.